The Strength and Fragility of Intimacy

The second “I” in our SPIRIT acronym* about factors that can nurture the spiritual lives of children is intimacy. In this context, intimacy means primarily, safety to be our truest selves and to share our deepest insights and experiences. 

This Spring I was asked by our children’s minister, Patty Webb to observe her leading chapel for classes in our Day School. Each class entered the chapel space and settled in to hear a Godly Play Bible story and wonder together.

The children were accustomed to entering quietly, sitting in a circle and being heard by Patty and one another. Each session I was gifted with a new insight offered authentically and spontaneously by the children who felt safe and treasured in that unhurried sacred space.

One girl enthusiastically shared, “I am so happy to have my very own Bible now!”. In the next class a boy speculated with imagination that perhaps God provides a portal and bridge for us when it is time to move from earth to heaven. Another child spoke earnestly of Lenten promises her family made to help some neighbors in need. One pondered with care, “Jesus is a Shepherd to us, but then he became a sheep when he died on the cross.”

One by one, as the children offered their insights, they were heard with focus, eye contact and a loving nod by Patty. She demonstrated sincere curiosity, openness and respect. The children were truly listened to. Intimacy was shared and safety was conveyed.

I wonder how intimacy would have been harmed if Patty had chosen to respond differently? If we are not careful, we can easily laugh at children, correct an imaginative answer with a doctrinal statement, or signal by our body language and facial expressions that we think a comment is either impressive or disappointing. In most settings, children are conditioned to look to the adults’ reactions and adjust accordingly. Such reactions to children’s intimate sharing can teach them that church or home is not a safe space to share their deepest questions and experiences. In a space where we hope to learn from children as they also learn from us, they need to know that we value their ways of being with God and we trust God’s way of being with them. 

Rebecca Nye says, “spirituality thrives on intimacy. It seizes opportunities to come closer, delve deeper, take risks and pursue passions.” (p.53) Intimacy with others and God takes time, consistency, care and intention. It strengthens our relationships and yet is easily broken. 

I wonder…..

How can we create safe space for our children in our church and our homes?

Where did you feel safe as a child?

With whom did you feel safe?

When have you sensed that God came close to you and you came close to God? How might you share that story with a child in your life?

With Wonder,

Cynthia

*(From Rebecca Nye’s Children’s Spirituality: What it Is and Why It Matters, p.46-ff)