Session Two
from pages 207 - 210 September 17, 1942 and pages 18-38 March 21 - August 8, 1941. While we are reading the book sequentially in these early sessions we will first take a look at a few pages from late in the diary in order to ground ourselves in a sense of where Etty is headed, that is, her spiritual destination.
P. 207 - 210 Etty is ill and has been given permission to leave Westerbork and go home to Amsterdam to get well. Her sickness lasts for quite a while and so, though she longs to get back to Westerbork she is “stuck” in Amsterdam. On September 15th S (Spier) dies after a painful battle with cancer.
A real shift has happened in Etty she realizes that no matter where she is she is at home as long as she carries love, freedom, and God within her. “We must be our own country.” In the early days of her spiritual journey Etty was embarrassed to kneel to pray to God. on page 208 she does just that.
Etty sees a doctor whom she perceives to be making a pass at her.
“After this war, two torrents will be unleashed on the world: a torrent of loving kindness and a torrent of hatred. And then I knew: I should take the field against hatred.”
Sept 22 Etty writes, “I would love to be like the lilies of the field.” this is a reference to the Gospel - Matt. 6:28 - the sermon on the mount
Etty has found within herself the “one great meaningful whole” thus wherever she goes she is connected to life and the divine life within her. She is ready to leave her past (“this house”) and be fully present in the present and whatever comes her way next.
Pages 18-38: Etty finds herself immensely attracted to S and she is both giddy and struggling against her attraction. He is after all her therapist and he is engaged to be married to another woman.
On Friday Etty feels free and present. On Sunday her inner turbulence kicked back up like a storm and she didn't know what to do with herself. She seems to be falling for S.
S’s unconventional, by our standards, therapeutic method seems to push every boundary and betray good sense about a patient/clinician relationship. He seems to be falling for Etty too. He is flirtatious at best, manipulative at worst.
Etty suddenly shifts her focus to the impending doom brought on by the Nazi’s and offers a beautiful reflection on an interaction with a friend, Bonger, who kills himself shortly after their talk.
She writes a note to herself - “don’t take yourself too seriously.” She goes back and forth between gaining a real sense of her new inner strength and feeling quite depressed.
May 8th her relationship with S seems to go to a new level of intimacy
June 8th is an insightful entry on meditation, God, and love “that you can apply to small everyday things.”
June 14 she turns her attention back the Nazi occupation and God.
July 4 - “I am full of unease”
August 4 - “I am madly in love with S.”